Thank you

My friends, I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for the incredible outpouring of kindness, understanding, and support my family and I have received from you these past few days. I cannot begin to tell you what a comfort it has been to hear from so many people praying for my family, wishing us healing, sending positive energy out into the universe for us to draw upon. Those of you who have lost or are in the process of losing a parent -- and how terribly sad it makes me to reflect on how many of you there are who have already walked this path or are on it with me now, or perhaps worse yet, had a parent taken from you suddenly, without warning and without the chance to say goodbye -- you have particularly touched me with your generosity of spirit. I want all of you to know I have indeed felt that hand on my back, that figurative or literal shoulder to lean on, and all those real and virtual hugs when I have needed them. I feel quite certain I would crumble without so much love around me, near and far. Please know too that my family has appreciated your good thoughts as much as I have.

I am writing this from Windsor, where I spent the morning with my family, as we had a meeting with my father's doctor, who gave him his diagnosis. Without going into detail, it was not easy, but I am glad I was there. Running into my old friend Cindy at the hospital, who gave me two great big bearhugs, really helped. Call me superstitious... I can't help but think it was more than coincidence we happened to meet right then. May there be more such moments of grace in the days and weeks (perhaps months?) to come.

I hope you will understand, my family and I wish to maintain some privacy going forward, and so although I will be in touch personally with those of you I am closest to, there will not likely be any further updates to the blog regarding my father's condition for the foreseeable future. Comments will remain open here, should you feel the urge to leave any sorts of "thinking of you" messages over time. They will be most welcome.

Confidential to my sister Julie: Thank you. You gave me a great gift today. I recognize it and cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am.

A strange and mournful day

I heard a song on the radio the other day that I had not heard in a long time, by one of my favourite artists, Paul Simon. It's been running through my head off and on since then.

"No I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away..."

Little did I know how true it would turn out to be. Strange and mournful indeed.

Although "42 Main Street, version 2.0: Keeping it Real" has been far more balanced than version 1.0 was in talking about both joy and pain, success and failure, there is one aspect of my life I have not discussed on the blog before now. My intention has never been, nor will it ever be, to use the blog for airing dirty laundry.

The observant among you may have noticed that while I mention spending time with Derek's family somewhat regularly, there is never any mention of spending time with my own. As some of you know, my family and I haven't really been on speaking terms for going on the last four years. It's a long story, but the conflict largely centers on my choice of Derek as my life partner.

My mother called me last night. My father asked her to phone me. I've heard through the grapevine that he has been sick off and on for the last year but until recently, the prognosis was cautiously optimistic, and although I sent flowers and a letter after his most recent bout, I have otherwise kept my distance. So if he is asking for me now, he knows he is very ill. His doctor has shared his full diagnosis with my mother, but has not told him yet -- my dad will probably find out today. He is hospitalized in my hometown of Windsor, Ontario. It seems he has inoperable bile duct cancer, and it appears to have spread. His liver and kidneys are failing. They don't know how long he might have left to live, but it looks "very bad." There is no treatment -- no transplants, no chemo, no radiation. All they can do is keep him comfortable.

Derek and I are driving down to Windsor today. My mother has made it categorically clear that under no circumstances are she and my sister or my father to see Derek, although she understands I need him to drive me and to be there for me afterward. I hope one day my family can set aside old conflicts and see Derek for the good man he is.

I love my father. I remember in grade nine English, we were to write an essay about our hero. I wrote about my dad.

He is 62 years old -- he'll be 63 on December 1st. So young. From the sounds of it, he may not live to meet any future grandchildren he might have.

I would ask that you spare a thought and a prayer for my father in the next while -- if you are the praying kind, pray for a healing miracle, or failing that, pray for a merciful, dignified death for my dad.

And any words of wisdom, kindness, or encouragement you might have for me would be really welcome right now. I need to know that my father is in people's thoughts and prayers, and I could use your support.

I sent an email about this to every friend I could think of on my contact list yesterday, and I posted a note on Facebook too. I have already been flooded with the kindest messages in response. I have read and cherished every one. Thank you so much -- I can feel the warmth and strength surrounding me, and feel better prepared to face this hard day. We are taking the laptop with us, and the hotel provides internet access. I'll respond personally as time permits, but right now I just want you all to know how much I appreciate your support and your good thoughts for my father. It means the world to me.

OK, so I haven't entirely sworn off gift knitting...

Denim baby sweater

I have a lot of baby sweaters in my Ravelry queue because I find the cuteness just too darn hard to resist. (And as I have mentioned before, I have been surrounded by something of a baby boom in the last while.) I made Fawn Pea's Organic Guernsey for my friend Pauline at work, who's going on mat leave next week. This was a charming pattern, and to my great delight, it was entirely seamless, so it was a quick knit, finished in just a few sittings. Ravelry details are here. I made a couple of modifications to the pattern, as you can see, the principal one being the use of discontinued, machine-washable Patons "Blue Denim Look," a DK instead of an Aran weight yarn, purposely resulting in a newborn-size sweater using the 18-month stitch counts. I am very pleased with this little fella, despite a couple of small imperfections, and Pauline was very happy with it too. She has promised to send me a picture of her little boy, Raleigh, wearing it after he is born (due date is Christmas Eve). I will surely post the picture when I receive it. Anyway, although this was technically a gift, it was so much fun to make, that the knitting itself was something of a gift to myself!

The selfish knitting does continue apace, however, despite the above distraction. I am about a quarter done a red Yarn Harlot One-Row Scarf in Fleece Artist Cashlana, and am also swatching for a turquoise vest in Cascade 220 Quatro sent to me by Trillian42 last year, both for me. I am very excited about the vest, as knitted vests seem to be very trendy right now. Among other treasures, I bought a beautiful turquoise pendant on a silver choker last weekend, during an artists' studio tour in the Dundas area with my friend Tanya. It was a beautiful day to be out for an autumn-colours drive, sunny and not too cold. I can just picture the pendant, a crisp white shirt, and this turquoise vest... I can hardly wait!

In other news: I am really struggling with my job right now. I handle consumer complaints in the financial industry and the market meltdown is, understandably, making for some clients who are even unhappier than usual. (Although I have to say, if I had money sitting around at the moment, I'd be buying some great-value investments while they're cheap!) I keep fantasizing about going back to less challenging (if also less lucrative) jobs I've had in the past. Honestly, I'd be ready for a radical change if I had the slightest idea what I want to be when I grow up. Any advice on staying focused, positive, and satisfied at work during difficult times?

A belated tale of two scarves -- one :( and one :)

Sunday Market Shawl

Back in August, I cast on a Sunday Market Shawl for my friend Margaret's birthday. She is allergic to most animal fibres, so I used a delightfully slinky, shiny synthetic yarn called Lang Opal in a lovely shade of her favourite colour, yellow. (A colour which, much as I may like it, I simply cannot wear myself.) Let's call it "champagne." Anyway, I knit a rather long, wide stockinette rectangle. I was very excited when I got to the end and went to drop the stitches that would make the characteristic ladders through the scarf. And then, to my horror, I found all that really happened was that my stockinette rectangle just got really, really, REALLY big, and really, really loose. It was not what I had pictured at all. It was irredeemably ugly. I snapped a couple of low-light pictures to post a record of this dismal failure on Ravelry, and immediately frogged it in disgust. It was only on going back to the pattern's Ravelry page that I noticed this rather important caveat I had somehow missed when I cast on: "Also, avoid substituting very smooth yarns for the Iroha as ladder definition may be lost." Yeah, no kidding: here is how I had hoped it would look. Here is what I actually ended up with. That'll teach me not to swatch. (I figured I didn't need to -- it's a scarf! Who cares if it's a bit too big or a bit too small?! The swatching gods smote me down, obviously.) Ugh. When I think of all the hours I spent... Honestly, I think Margaret's frogged Sunday Market Shawl has been my most abysmally wasted, horrid piece of knitting in the five years since I started. Sorry Margaret. I do have some new pattern ideas queued for this yarn -- pattern ideas that will work with the yarn instead of against it -- but I seriously doubt I will start over until sometime next year. Maybe for your 40th birthday. We'll see.

Still, I absolutely loved this pattern in all its simplicity, and I was determined to make it work. As mentioned in my last post, I bought the most gorgeous yarn a month ago at the K-W Knitters' Fair, handspun by Linda Janssen of The Roving Spinners: a blend of superwash merino, silk noil, thread and firestar, in the very fittingly named colourway "Leopard Frog." One skein was randomly interspersed with small glass beads in a several shades of green, and one was plain. I knew the Sunday Market Shawl pattern would showcase the subtle variegations in the yarn beautifully, take advantage of its slightly coarse, "sticky" texture (I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice), and make the most of the yardage. I excitedly cast on as soon as I got home from the Fair -- a rainy day perfect for curling up with some knitting -- alternating the beaded and unbeaded skeins every two rows, making subtle stripes. I completed it a week later during a weekend we spent with our friends Neil and Tanya, at the cottage we borrowed from Derek's aunt and uncle. (I'll get around to posting a few pics of that weekend on Flickr eventually.) And voilà: as you can see in the picture above, success! I have to admit that even with this comparatively rougher yarn, I did lose some of the ladder stitch definition at one end of the scarf... but I am still utterly delighted with it. It is appropriately scarf-sized rather than being a gargantuan monstrosity, the little beads make me giddily happy (ooh, SHINY!), and the just plain loose stockinette end is still charming even if it's not quite what I had intended. I've been meaning to blog this for a while now, but it's been a busy month and I was hoping to take some better pictures first. Bah, whatever, the blog needs updating: these will have to do. This is totally my favourite scarf now.

Random updates:

Reading -- The Moor's Last Sigh by Salman Rushdie. This is my first experience of Rushdie. WOW, is he a great writer! Breathtaking.

Listening to -- iTunes Party Shuffle. Have I ever blogged about my undying devotion to the random electronic jukebox that picks out obscure jewels from our combined music collection? I heart Party Shuffle. LoveLoveLove.

Eating -- Of course this past Canadian Thanksgiving weekend was devoted to roast poultry (although it was very yummy chicken, not turkey, in both cases, cooked by Derek and Tim for me and Margaret on Saturday, and by his mum for the big family shindig on Sunday). But the best thing I've eaten in the past while was salmon fillets, topped with a thick smearing of pesto then baked. DIVINE. If you are a fish eater, trust me on this, you *must* try it.

Watching -- The West Wing. Bought the entire series box set on sale from Amazon.ca recently. It's even better than I remembered, and oddly prescient given that the first season began nine years ago. (It has aged surprisingly well.) I don't think I'll ever be able to go back to cable or satellite TV. Watching DVDs and downloads or streaming video, on my schedule, without commercials, is way, WAY too enjoyable and convenient.

Thinking about -- How lucky I am to be able to vote in the Canadian election tonight. Just over ninety years ago, I couldn't have done so, simply because I am a woman. When Derek's grandmother Dorothy was born -- ONE lifetime, 90 years ago -- women couldn't vote yet in this country. I may not be thrilled with the political parties and candidates I get to choose from, or with the unfairness of the first-past-the-post system that allows a party to govern with much less than 50% +1 of the votes cast -- but I am still profoundly privileged to live in a democracy, and you can be damned sure I will be availing myself of that privilege, hard-earned by my forebears, when I hit the polling booth tonight. Canadian soldiers have gone overseas, fought, and died, to defend or win others' right to vote, and continue to do so today. The least I can do to show my gratitude is to be the kind of citizen who doesn't take my right to vote for granted. It only takes a few minutes out of my day every couple years to go cast my ballot. I'm sure Dorothy will have voted. It's a free country -- you're welcome to abstain from voting if that's what you want to do -- but I can't say as I will understand or respect that choice...

Pretty little one that I adore...

Cherie Amour and the giant tomato

Ta-da! As I promised in a recent post, I have knit something for myself, and WOW does it feel good! I present to you: My Cherie Amour! It fits like a dream, if I do say so myself! And it had the most pleasant side-effect of putting the Stevie Wonder song into my head for pretty much the entire month I was knitting it... good thing I love that tune!

And yes, it IS supposed to be that low-cut -- it's a layering piece. The under-layer, a white cami, is just really hard to see! (OK, I am pale.) Check out a full-length shot here, where thanks to a bit of sunshine it looks even more immodest, as you can't see the cami at all! I tried to adjust the colour in Photoshop Elements but apparently I am not as good at photo editing as I am at knitting, because I just could not figure out how to use the burn and dodge tools to fix this problem, even after reading the Help file. Oh well. One of these days I will sit down and really learn how to use the program, maybe even take a class.

Anyway, I digress. Although I made two small mistakes in the lace (I challenge you to find them!), this is by far the best sweater I have yet made in my life. The yarn is so deliciously soft… if you ever make anything out of Misti Alpaca Chunky, people will want to pet you! (The colour is Eggplant, if you're wondering.) I could not be happier with this sweater.

I bought the yarn at half-price from Cloth & Clay's closing sale in the spring (hmm... they really need to take down their web page), with the intention of making this very pattern by Ashley Adams Moncrief from the Fall 2007 Knitty. I started swatching for it just over a month ago, aiming to finish it in time for the K-W Knitters' Fair. Well, Last-Minute Lisa was still knitting and blocking on Friday night until bedtime, hurrying the blocking with my iron and hairdryer! I set my alarm early and hoped to finish the seaming Saturday morning before going to the Fair, but I didn’t leave myself enough time. So I brought the pieces with me, then after I had finished my volunteer gig, I sat myself down at a table in the lunch area, where I bound off and seamed the second sleeve and attached the sleeves to the bodice. I met some lovely knitters while doing so, including Divy, which made the tedious chore much more enjoyable. (Thanks for the company!) It took a LONG time (which cut into my shopping, which is probably just as well… it was a dangerous place for a credit card to be!) but it was worth being able to show it off to some of my friends who were there! (I even got a little cheer from some of the people nearby when I put it on and it fit so well!) JennyP and Stickyfingers/NonStopKnitter just missed seeing it... Sweet Pea needed to get home for her nap. I did get to show it off to Knitteopath (a.k.a. Julia, the friend who got me going on this with her "You're a saint" comment... Thanks hon!) and Etcgirl -- they were so encouraging! I also ran into GlennaC, who was wearing the most gorgeous lace shawl, and she was sweet enough to mention my accomplishment on her blog post about the Fair -- Thanks Glenna!! :)

The pattern is fairly well written – as others have noted before me, the neckline decrease section was a bit challenging/unclear, but I did manage to figure it out. Oh, and even with EZ's nice stretchy loose sewn bind-off, the armholes JUST fit my skinny arms – I definitely would have had trouble getting into this if my upper arms had been chunkier! The lace patterns were super easy to memorize, and with my beloved KnitPicks Options 6.5 mm needles (4.5 mm on the ribbing) and just over 6 skeins of yarn (maybe 675 yards including swatches), it was a FAST knit... very nearly instant gratification, as sweater-knitting goes! Ravelers who might still be interested after reading all my blathering here may check out Cherie's Ravelry page...

I made a couple of modifications to the pattern; I lengthened the sleeves by about 2 inches and omitted the sleeve ribbing, and I lengthened the skirt by 5 pattern repeats. (The designer must be rather petite, I guess. At 5'6" I would hardly call myself an Amazon. I did want the hem to fall lower than the original sweater, though, as I think this length is more flattering on me.) I was really glad I hadn’t bound off the first sleeve before blocking it (I just left it on the KnitPicks Options cable with cable ends) and measuring it on me, because I did end up having to knit it longer. And that way I knew exactly how long I needed to knit the second sleeve!

If I were to make this again, I would purchase DPNs to knit the sleeves in the round (I didn’t have any in the 6.5 mm size), especially since there is no sleeve cap, they’re just tubes once you seam them up. I tried magic looping, but it wasn’t for me, so I knit them flat. As I suspected, sewing that sleeve seam was a pain, which I could have avoided.

Careful swatching pays off if you substitute yarns as I did; the pattern called for 9 mm needles, and with the rate at which this alpaca relaxes and grows on wetting/blocking, I would have ended up with a potato sack had I cast on with that size of needles!

All in all, this sweater has been a great present to myself, even better than the fabulous Roving Spinners handspun by Linda Janssen, gorgeous buttons, Fleece Artist Trail Socks, and Noro Kureyon Sock yarn I bought! And it has inspired yet MORE knitting for me: on getting home, I immediately cast on a Sunday Market Shawl for myself using the irresistible handspun! Mmm, shiny...

P.S. That is a tomato plant growing behind me, climbing up the crab-apple tree. I am standing up in this picture; the thing is taller than I am. Hugest dang tomato plant I ever saw in my life. Now if some more of its miniature sweet yellow pear tomatoes would just ripen before frost... what a shame it would be to lose the bounty from such an astonishing monster!

Happy end of summer!

Crab apples

My tomatoes are taking their sweet time ripening, but while I was on vacation last week, I picked these beauties off our Dolgo and turned them into crab apple jelly. Aren't they gorgeous? I also went to the St. Jacobs Farmers' Market, where I picked up a bunch of wonderful produce, including a LOT of basil, which I promptly turned into pesto. I also found a new quilt for my bed, which will be the basis for some redecorating I plan to do (and blog about) later this fall.

It was a busy holiday week. We saw Tim & Margaret in St. Thomas (Derek helped Tim with some landscaping), dropped in on Sabina & Mitch in London, visited with Al and the recuperating Kristen in Welland, spent some quality time at the farm (which included working on a flowerbed), and also took a couple of days to just kick back, relax, and veg out here at home. My favourite vacation day was this past Sunday, when we went to Point Farms Provincial Park for a short hike and a lovely swim in Lake Huron, followed by dinner at Paddy O'Neil's in Goderich.

And, I got to knit -- as promised in a previous post, I cast on a sweater for myself last month, and it's coming along beautifully. It's Cherie Amour by Ashley Adams Moncrief, from the Fall 2007 Knitty. I love this pattern! (It's a good thing I like the Stevie Wonder song, because I keep hearing it in my head and humming it as I work on this.) I can hardly wait to wear it. I'm hoping to have it done in time for the K-W Knitters' Fair on September 13, where I will be volunteering. I'll devote a full post to it when it's done, but for those Ravelers who are curious, you can take a look at Cherie's Ravelry page here.

In other knitting news (which I've been meaning to share for a while), my Grape Tomato was on Knitting Daily TV!! You can see it here by scrolling down the page to section 102-5, "The Sweater, You Made It" (mine is the purple one at the bottom right). They saw my Tomato on Ravelry in the spring and asked whether they could use it (they apparently liked my mods), so of course I said yes and mailed it to them! (And yes, they did return it promptly when they were done with it.)

I should purchase the DVD of that Knitting Daily TV episode; I can't watch it since we turned off our satellite TV subscription in order to focus on watching DVDs and online TV instead. I've noticed that I seem to be more diligent and productive at home since we've made this change, too -- now I do the dishes pretty much every night (like a real grown-up) instead of letting them sit around for days so I can watch some more Mike Holmes or whatever. I hardly miss it. I'm listening to more music too.

Finally, as part of some recent blog design tinkering, I thought about sticking some widgets in the sidebar, but I decided instead that from time to time I'll devote a blog post to a brief snapshot of what else I am up to.

• Reading: Firefly Summer by Maeve Binchy (perfect bedtime reading)
  
• Watching: Angel, Season 1 (BTW Lorne, we're finally done with Buffy, and we'll give your DVDs back when you visit at the end of the month -- and you can borrow Angel if you like.)
• Listening to: Best of Howard Jones (Ah, the memories!)
• Weight Watchers progress: 10 pounds lost so far (approximately halfway to my goal weight... my enthusiasm is flagging a bit though, so if you have any encouragement, I would welcome it!)
• Eating: Fruit smoothies (I cut up and froze a bunch of gorgeous ripe peaches, and bought some frozen mixed berries -- whir them up with skim milk in the blender = YUM! Awesome for breakfast!)
• Non-knitting WIP (work in progress): Refinishing the kitchen table (picture to be blogged when this is complete.)
• On my mind: Passive-aggressiveness... I have a hard time directly asking for what I want sometimes. I am trying to weed out this insidiously bad habit I have of expecting people (especially Derek) to read my mind when I make a statement instead of a request. Does anyone else struggle with this problem? Any thoughts on conquering it?
  

How about you out there? What are you all up to?

The Ballad of Bill the Cat

I had been meaning to post about my friend Bill here for a while, then kind of forgot my intention as life got busy. Better late than never. Let me tell you the story of my friend Bill the Cat.

Bill was a stray who hung around outside our house the last couple of months. When we first met him, he was terribly scrawny and beat up, but completely tame and very sociable. He would follow me and Derek around our daily tour of the garden after work, rubbing up against our ankles and purring. After a day or two of this, well, we had to give him a name, and Derek thought to call him Bill, as in Bill the Cat of Bloom County. (He'd put on some weight and the scratch on his face had healed by the time I took this picture. It was quite a suitable moniker on first acquaintance.)

A couple of days after we first met, I caught him trying to eat a dead, maggoty bird on the ground. At that point I took pity on him and started feeding him daily, as he was clearly starving. (Besides, once you name a cat, you kind of become responsible for it.) I'd guess he's maybe a year or two old; I got the sense he may have been someone's pet who got "dropped off in the country" when he outgrew cute kittenhood and developed a rather distinctive (some might say annoying) adult meowy voice. Anyway, when we gave him that bowl of cat food and bowl of water, he became our friend. He lived under and on our porch outside. He never wandered far, and would greet us every morning as we left for work and every afternoon when we returned, begging for attention and food, and purring very loudly whenever he got what he wanted.

Despite lingering grief over Spot, and reluctance to take on any more vet bills, Derek and I did briefly consider adopting him, but Joey made his feelings clear on the subject: NO WAY. He would hiss and bite my ankles when he smelled Bill on my pantlegs. It's too bad; Bill didn't return Joey's aggression at all, and from his side of the screen door he seemed to want to be friends with Joey. Of course Tisha would not have appreciated the disruption either. In any case, sweet as he is, he just couldn't replace Spot in our hearts or our lives, so we made a decision to find him a home. After a particularly cool night that reminded me of the autumn (and winter) to come, I posted an ad with his picture on the e-bulletin board at work, and to my great delight, found him a home last week. The couple came by on Saturday to pick him up. He was absolutely frantic when he got put in the cat carrier, but I knew it was for the best.

Still, I miss him a little. I did get the nicest email from my coworker yesterday, though, updating me on his adjustment to his new home. She told me he purred so much at the vet's office that he charmed all of the staff, and the vet couldn't really hear his heart over that loud motor! What really got me, though, was when she wrote that he had "slept in his little bed." That image just warms me through and through. Fare thee well, Bill the Cat. May you live long and warm in your new home with your new friends. Though you may have already forgotten us (cats aren't particularly known for their long-term memories), we won't soon forget how you brightened our days after our beloved Spot left us.

A hint for my downstream Knitty Summer Lover...

Shoelace bag

I don't think the secret pal I was sending gifts to for the Knitty Summer Love swap, Knitting-Cat, has figured out my identity yet now that she's received her package, so I'm posting this picture of the bag I knit for her to try and help her out! Some of her other gifts are shown stashed inside.

The pattern is Elisa's Nest Tote from the Purl Bee, knit with two skeins of purple Berroco 02, yarn that had been living in my stash, waiting for inspiration, for something like 3 years. (It was included in a "grab" bag I bought on sale at Cloth & Clay, with other yarns I liked better.) The handle is done in Bernat Handicrafter gifted to me by Megan way back in Knitty SP4. I only cast on half as many stitches as the pattern called for, since this shoelace-style yarn was so bulky. Ravelry page is here.

And if I may interrupt my train of thought here for a moment to say how much I adore Ravelry! The pattern search feature is just such an incredible, amazing resource. I knew my pal loved purple, and I figured this yarn would work well for a quick gift, but I had no idea what to make. So I did a search on "shoelace" yarn, found this bag made by a fellow Raveler in a similar but thinner yarn, and poof, problem solved!

Anyway, I used these giant 19mm needles that felt like tree trunks in my hands. I looked rather ridiculous knitting in public with those bad boys, lemme tell ya! It made for rather large holes, so this shopping bag would not really be suited to carrying smaller items... but the top of the bag ended up being rather small and tight, so it's a bit hard to get larger items into it as well! I'm sure this would not be a problem if I had knit the bag to gauge in DK or worsted weight cotton like the pattern called for, given that I would have had twice as many stitches to pick up when doing the i-cord handle/trim. (I love how the i-cord came out striped in the variegated yarn.) Even so, I think this is quite a cute project, and I will be making that bag again in the future at the intended gauge, maybe for me this time!

While we're on the subject of knitting for me... I've noticed lately that I have been knitting nothing but gifts for what seems like months now. I'm starting to think that as much as I love knitting for friends (especially baby things -- I mean, my gosh, the CUTENESS!!!! Squee!!!), I'm going to need to put a stop to it soon, at least for a while, and focus on making myself some beautiful knitted items. My friend Julia commented to me in the car on the way to Stitch & Pitch (which was a blast, by the way, and for once, the Jays won), as she watched me working on a scarf for another friend, "You're a saint." She's smart; the only gifts she knits are baby items. The rest of her knitting is for her. And she's got some lovely things to show for it. The thing is, I'm really not a saint at all. There's a certain selfishness in wanting to give hand-knit things to my loved ones. Pride in saying, "I spent time thinking of you while making you this one-of-a-kind item." Almost smugness, you know? Vanity -- "look what I can do." But at the same time, it's starting to feel, I don't know, martyr-ish? "Look at the sacrifice in hours and energy I made for you." As Derek pointed out to me in talking about this tonight, there's a little too much approval-seeking in it. I know I'm a good, kind, thoughtful, generous friend; I don't need to prove it with the knitting. I don't want to resent my knitting. I don't want to resent my gift recipients -- and I don't, yet -- but this trend could lead in that direction, and I need to head it off at the pass. I'm starting to emotionally (and not just intellectually) understand why Kristen no longer gifts her friends with the gorgeous jewelry she makes. I only have so much time to devote to my hobby and craft, and I want to keep some of what I produce, especially since I am still quite a slow knitter. In the car on the way to work this morning, the thought crossed my mind, as fall approaches ever more quickly as this cool, wet summer flies by, that I should start planning my Christmas knitting. This thought was immediately followed by, "But when will I get to make something for me?" I have all this beautiful yarn I intend to turn into scarves, wraps, and sweaters for myself. (You should see my stash on Ravelry. Whoa.) The vast majority of my Ravelry queue is projects for me. I just never seem to get to them. Well, enough. Once I finish Margaret's birthday scarf that's on the needles (and do the fringing on Kristen's completed birthday scarf), it's time for me to cast on something for myself -- or get back to one of my hibernating projects, like my Party Lace scarf, my Cardigan for Arwen, or my sari-silk wrap. And then I'll start planning what Christmas gifts I'm going to BUY this year, not make, aside from knitting for friends who continue to make their gifts for me. Maybe I'll even join the "Selfish Knitters" group on Ravelry. ;)

ETA:

P.S. Knitting-Cat, please don't feel the above rant is directed at you! The Elisa Nest Tote was a very quick and enjoyable gift to knit. (Like I said, I'd make it again at the pattern gauge.) You were a lovely downstream, and I felt you needed an especially nice package since you were co-hosting the swap. :)

Summer Lovin', Had me a blast...

Fleece Artist Suri Blue

I participated in the Knittyboard Summer Love swap, and look at the gorgeous yarn my no-longer-secret-pal Crystal AKA Driver8 sent! This one is Fleece Artist Suri Blue. It's as soft as it is pretty. I've posed it with Rosy Returns daylily. She also sent this absolutely scrumptious Malabrigo Silky Merino in the Teal Feather colourway, as well as some Tazo chai, and a really cool CD of MP3s and pictures she took. She really got my tastes bang on. Thank you Crystal!

Malabrigo Silky Merino with Lacorno lily

In other, "keepin' it real" news (and there's been lots of stuff going on, despite the scarcity of updates), I have decided that it is time to stop talking about losing the spare tire I've had around my middle for so many years now, and actually DO something about it. I have joined Weight Watchers online and am doing the FlexPlan, the one where you count points. They have all these nifty online tools that are really pretty useful. They're keeping me honest and accountable *to myself* about what I eat and how much I move. When I started last week, I was pretty much at the very top of the range of what is considered healthy for my height. But I know that is not a healthy weight for me, because too much of my weight is fat, and particularly abdominal fat, which is bad for the heart; I have very fine bone structure, and not a whole lot of muscle mass (which I know weighs more), so I know that a healthy weight for me needs to be much closer to the bottom of the BMI range for my height. I lost three pounds in my first week, and the numbers on the scale continue to move downwards! (Even after a feast with my knitting pals last night -- although I did budget points for it.) Looks like WW is going to be a really great investment in myself. If I lose at the rate of 2 pounds per week, it will take me about 10 more weeks to reach my goal. I am really looking forward to getting back into single-digit clothing sizes after so many years in double digits. (The budget protests that I can't really afford to be replacing my clothes, but I'll deal.) I have a pair of size 6 jeans that I am able squeeze into and can even do up, but over which my belly, love handles, and back fat pooch out very, very unattractively. When I can wear those jeans in public with a fairly close-fitting shirt without sporting the mortifying "muffin-top" look, I will know I have attained my goal. (I suspect there may be some situps in my future. Aargh.)

Birthday celebration continued!

Linz's sheep

Lookie what I got for my birthday!! A handknit and felted sheep from my friend Lindsay of Linz Knits! I took yesterday off and ventured into Toronto for the day, and what a gorgeous, hot, sunny day it was! I did some shopping by myself on Queen West (scored some AWESOME buttons) and got a pedicure before meeting up with Linz at The Queen Mother for a superb lunch, where she presented me with this Suffolk sheep she made -- details here. I have named him Thurston! We then checked out a bead shop (project to follow), and headed to Romni's 20% off sale! I was good and only bought one sweater's worth of yarn for me (apple green sportweight superwash wool, 124 m/50 g ball) at $2.40/ball!! (Oh, and some more absolutely adorable buttons, and goodies for my current secret pal.) Thanks for a great day, Linz!

Two for one post!

baby sweaters

I seem to have a baby sweater obsession right now... of course, I really am in the midst of a baby boom. (Oh, and I've decided the ladybug sweater is for my boss Lyn, who is due August 3rd.) The one on the left is Debbie Bliss's Baby Shrug. It's knit on 5 mm needles, using three balls of KnitPicks Main Line yarn, which is scrumptious; I will definitely be using this yarn again for something for me! I ran short of yarn so I used some Mission Falls 1824 Cotton from my stash to make the stripes in the ribbing. This is supposed to be a 6-9 months size, but it fits my 2-year-old niece Aria perfectly, so I've decided it's for her. (There's no way my gauge is that far off, using the same size needles and comparable yarn to what the pattern calls for.) I added a tie as I noticed it was falling off Aria's shoulders when we tried it on. Here's a closeup of the sweater alone. Ravelry details here.

The one on the right is Elizabeth Zimmermann's famed Baby Surprise Jacket, knit in Bernat Handicrafter (variegated) and coordinating Lily Sugar & Cream (solid blue). I ran out of the variegated, so I sure was glad I had the solid on hand, a gift from Pam last year! This is an utterly charming pattern and I will definitely be making it again. This sweater is for Sabina's new son Kai, born July 4th. It won't fit him for a while, but that's OK. You can see a closeup here, and check out the Ravelry details here.

I finished both of these today when my friends Lynne and Julia came over to knit with me for my birthday! (I focused on finishing, rather than knitting per se.) I had a lovely day. Of course I scrambled a bit this morning with some last-minute cleaning (what else is new), in addition to preparing snacks -- homemade French bread, Millbank cheeses, veggies & dip, and sangria to drink -- but the weather was perfect, and my friends were very impressed at Derek's gorgeous gardens. We sat on the porch, eating and drinking and chatting and knitting, and Julia took a couple of turns in the hammock. After they left, Derek came back from seeing his folks at the farm, bringing back chocolate cake his mom, my dear MIL Shirley, baked for me, and then he gave me my first gifts, wineglasses and beer steins... that will be washable in my new dishwasher that is being delivered later this week!! WOOT!!!!!!!

Baby sweater extravaganza!

Amy's baby sweater

My friend Amy had her baby Lila today, my birthday! I knit this little sweater for her over a month ago already, just never got around to blogging it... Lila's the baby bump in the background! It wasn't done in time for the baby shower so I gave it to Amy when our knitting group got together a few days later. The yarn is Mission Falls 1824 cotton, knit on 5 mm needles. using Debbie Bliss's charming (if possibly oversized) Ribbed Baby Jacket, that I personalized with ribbed cuffs and hem in addition to the contrasting colours. Yarn purchased half-price at Cloth & Clay's store closing sale. :( Ravelry details here.

It's been a busy month since last I wrote! And while I do intend to discuss more personal things here than just knitting in the future, I still do think of this as primarily a knitting blog, so it's time to share some of my latest finished objects!

Amy was fairly certain from the ultrasounds that she was having a girl, but she was panicking about what she would do if the baby turned out to be a boy, so I knit this in colours that were not too girly, just to be safe; blue and green has always been one of my favourite colour combinations. Aside from the way the front hem pulls up, I'm really happy with how this project turned out. (I should have taken a closeup of that clasp I got from Philosophers Wool last summer, it was gorgeous.) Of course, now that I know she's a girl, and that she shares my birthday, I desperately want to knit her something very, very feminine! I have a few different things in mind... I won't share any details just yet so that Amy can be a little surprised. In any case, more terribly cute baby things are sure to follow. For now, though, I have two more finished objects to share in my next post!

Rest in peace, Spot: Autumn 2003 - May 29, 2008

Spot's memorial garden

Spot has already been gone for two weeks. Lorne sent me an email yesterday asking after her. I announced the sad news on Facebook when it happened and was surprised to learn that he had missed my update. Still, I know I have been remiss in not posting here. I've been procrastinating, partly because I've been sad, but also busy, partly because I've felt blocked on just what to say, but really, most of all, because I've just been in "avoidance" mode. Putting it in writing here for all to read re-opens the healing wound a little, and at the same time, it just makes her death all the more real, final. I don't know. Anyway. I have other things I want to blog about in the days to come -- my trip to Québec, personal stuff, knitting -- but first I need to wrap up the story of Spot. It's time.

Spot's last meal was the tuna she loved so much, although by then she was too weak to jump up on the table to get to it, so I had to help her up. It was a beautiful sunny day. Spotticus was an indoor cat from the time we brought her home that fateful November day Derek found her abandoned and freezing with her littermates, but every so often (mostly in the summer), she would dart outside when we opened the door, wanting to widen her vistas and pursue the tantalizing smells and sounds out there. So in that last half hour while I waited for the vet to arrive, I took her up in my arms, and brought her outside to soak up some of the sunshine she loved so much. Unfortunately, our neighbours' very enthusiastic young German Shepherd came bounding along, very much unwelcome. To my surprise, Spot still had enough energy to give Soda a spirited hiss before I whisked her back inside. She had not purred for us in those last couple of days, though, no matter how we held or petted her, so we knew it was time.

The vet from our new clinic arrived, a doctor I had not met before, a lovely older lady. Derek was running late getting home from work, but she and her assistant were patient and kind while we waited. At last he arrived. We spent a few last minutes petting and cuddling and loving Spot, and when we were ready, the vet injected her with a sedative. Spot flinched and hissed momentarily, but soon calmed, then fell asleep, limp on Derek's shoulders. He gently placed her on the kitchen table, then the vet set up a catheter, injected the lethal drugs, and it was over. All of us were in tears -- me, Derek, the vet and her assistant, all crying over the death of our beloved Spottifier, a death that came far too soon. It touched me that this very experienced woman, who had clearly had to euthanize animals many times over the course of her career, could still be so moved by Spot's death and by our pain.

The vet and her assistant left, and Derek went downstairs to retrieve the beautiful little pine box he had made for her the night before. (You can see a picture of it in my Flickr photostream by clicking on the "Pictures" link on the right in the sidebar, if you are curious and do not find it too morbid.) I cannot tell you how grateful I was to him for being so thoughtful, for thinking ahead and preparing. It was a heartbreakingly painful task for him -- he cried bitterly while working on it, and so did I when I saw it. I probably would have just stood there, completely undone, and thought, OK, now what? A plastic bag, like so much garbage? I didn't have a shoebox... I would have been utterly lost and bewildered and unprepared. Derek made sure we had a suitable resting place for her, as she was a beloved family member entitled to far better than any inadequate solution I could have come up with after she was gone, or whatever anonymous disposal the vet might have offered. We lined the little box with T-shirts Derek had worn that were still impregnated with his scent, put her ever so tiny, wasted, fragile remains inside, put in a can of tuna and some pictures. Later, we brought her outside, and Derek dug a hole under one of the maple trees, next to the driveway, where we will see her on getting into and out of the car every day. I'm so glad we live in the country, where we're not breaking any bylaws by burying her in the yard. We marked the place with a grey stone for our Grey Ghost, one of her many nicknames. Then on the following weekend, Derek built the flowerbed you see pictured above, a little memorial garden for her. Over her grave, we planted a pulsatilla, or pasque flower, that we have named Spot; I wanted that plant because it's fuzzy and beautiful and well-mannered, like its namesake. (We name our favourite plants. We're funny that way.) We also planted a Grey Ghost hosta in the bed, and a Limey Lisa hosta to keep her company, and gooseberry bushes that will attract birds to entertain her. (She would probably like the fruit itself, too; she always loved fruit, especially mango.) Are we weird? Probably. But it feels right to us.

My friend B. wrote to me the other day, telling me about a beloved dog her family once had, who also died too soon; she said, "they broke the mold" when they made that dog. I know exactly what she means, because the same is true of our dear sweet Spot.

Stay of execution

We didn't go through with it on Thursday. Spot is still eating and having good days with us. It won't be much longer -- I expect probably later this week sometime -- but for now we are bittersweetly enjoying every last cuddle we can get with her, as long as she still does not seem to be suffering. Thanks to all for your support, I can't tell you how much it means to me. I really appreciate it.

Well, at least we have an answer.

Spot has been diagnosed with inoperable stomach cancer. I'm on vacation for a few days right now in Quebec with my cousin (scheduled long before we knew about this), so I'll keep this short, as I am tired and it's very late. I've never been in a position before where the only humane choice I could make for a beloved companion was euthanasia. I'll get to spend one more full day with her when I return before we bring her back to the vet next week to have her put to sleep. Or, to be blunt, put to death. It sucks. I cried many tears on the train yesterday after Derek told me, as did he, and I expect I will cry more, but I can't say I was surprised. I'm trying to stay cheerful before heading north tomorrow to visit with extended family. Time with friends and Marie-France, and some serious Montreal retail therapy today, have both helped. Still, thank you all for your kind support.

Another sick kitty, and an announcement.

Spot and the Ballband Dishcloth

Before I get to the subject of today's post, my dear Sweet Spot pictured here (alongside my first Ballband Dishcloth, one of the several dishcloths I've knit for Linz in the last while... love this pattern and project), I want to make an announcement. 42 Main Street has been my humble and very sporadic little vanity page for over four years now. Up until now, I have intentionally used this website to share almost nothing ever but good news. I haven't wanted my blog to be a downer. I don't want my peeps out there reading to worry about me; I just want them to share in my little joys in life, unexciting as those joys might sometimes be. But the fact of the matter is, my life isn't just about knitting, and recipes, and flowers, and secret pals. Like everyone else out there, I have problems -- some of them more serious than others. I struggle with my work, with my relationships, with my moods. I've decided it's time my blog started talking about all the aspects of my life, and not just the happy stuff. As the old saw goes, pain shared is pain divided; joy shared is joy multiplied. If I lose some readers (and I have no idea whether I have any, or who they are, aside from some of my friends, family, and fellow Knittyheads; maybe I should be embarrassed by this, but I have no clue how to use a site meter or track my readership or see who links to me or find out what Google searches lead here or anything like that, and honestly, I don't even want to learn or go down that road)... well, so be it. Welcome to 42 Main Street, version 2.0, "keepin' it real."

All right, moving on to today's not-so-happy news. Spot here has been sick for nearly a year now, and so far, no vet has been able to tell us what's wrong with her. Derek and I took her to a third vet this morning, who's going to give her an ultrasound and possibly a biopsy on Thursday. I love this cat. If she were a child, I wouldn't be allowed to think this, or feel this, or say this, but she's a cat, and the fact is, the Spottifier is my favourite one. Spotnik is the sweetest, gentlest, cuddliest cat you can imagine. We've had the Spottificator since she was a three-week-old kitten that Derek rescued from the farm after she and her siblings were abandoned by their mother at the first snow in November 4 years ago -- we nursed her with a dropper until she could eat solid food. She is our little love muffin, pure affection in a fur coat. She started puking up furballs last year. Over the course of months, the furballs stopped, but the vomiting has become more and more frequent, and more and more severe. Our first vet had us try stomach medicine and cortisone, to no effect. We tried all kinds of different foods, thinking maybe she had an allergy or an intolerance to something she was eating. Still no better. She's had blood tests and x-rays, and everything has come back negative. At one point she had a nasty blockage and had to have it cleared out with a barium enema, but that problem has not recurred. In the last 5 months, she's lost far, far too much weight... this picture is from February, but she's much thinner now, skin and bones. She's managing to keep down some food, but not nearly enough. And yet for now she is still her lovely and spirited self -- a bit lethargic, but not in any obvious pain, not hiding away like a dying animal. As tired as I am of cleaning up cat vomit, I still don't want her to die. However, the prognosis doesn't look good. The new vet doesn't want us to get too hopeful about finding a treatable condition or disease with the next round of tests, although it is still possible. If that's not the case, though, it'll break my heart, but Derek and I have already decided we need to ask the vet to help her leave us, because slow starvation is not a good death. So again, my friends, family, strangers out there who might be reading, I ask for whatever prayers, healing thoughts, or good vibes you might be able to send out to the universe or whatever deity you believe in, this time to find a cure for my most dearest kitty, my beloved little Spotticus. Thank you all.

Knitting and Flowers - Together Again!

Lion Brand dishcloth and pink hellebore

Along with the crocuses and the iris reticulata, the hellebores are blooming, and they are lovely. This WIP is not just a Lion Brand dishcloth (registration required) for Linz, but also an excuse to post a flower picture. Yay spring!! Here's a second shot with another hellebore, a burgundy one...

Spring has sprung!

ladybug baby sweater

After what was probably the snowiest winter in a century, it's finally spring, and about time. As you can see, the little irises are blooming -- hooray! And the bunnies don't seem to be interested in them. Unfortunately the same cannot be said of our poor crocuses, which have been laid waste by the little buggers. *Sigh* Posed among the purple beauties (gifted to me by blu roux last year) is the little baby sweater I just finished last night... I was so excited to sew on the absolutely cutest buttons I think I've ever seen. I found them at Fresh Baked Goods on a recent trip to Toronto. I haven't decided which of my three pregnant friends this purposely unisex cardi will be a gift for yet. (The spacing between the buttons only looks uneven due to a trick of perspective.) The pattern is Diane Soucy's Easy Baby Cardigan from Knitting Pure & Simple, size 18 months, and the yarn is Debbie Bliss Cotton Denim Aran, knit on 4.5 mm Addis.

In other knitting news, I've been on a dishcloth kick lately -- you can see some of them on Linz's blog!

I'm percolating with lots of knitting plans; I recently bought a whole whack of yarn at Cloth & Clay's [sniff!] 50% off, going-out-of-business sale, and queued a bunch of patterns in my head (now I just need to add them to Ravelry). I think I'm going to try having at least one active WIP on the needles for myself from now on... much as I love knitting gifts, I want some pretties for me now!!

Knitherapy Rocks!!

SP10 final package

I got my final Knittyboard SP10 package on Friday, and my pal revealed herself to be Knitherapy! Look at the thoughtful loot she sent: Crazy Aunt Purl's book that I've been wanting for months; chocolate; yarn wash; stitchmarkers; cat treats and toys; a hilarious card; and finally, a gorgeous lacy scarf pattern, and the yarn to make it, Simply Shetland Lambswool & Cashmere, in a lovely deep loden green. Knitherapy, you have been an outstanding secret pal! Thank you so much!! The best part of this whole thing is that I have now "discovered" your blog, and I really like what I've read so far... I've added you to my links on the right, and I'll definitely be following your future adventures!

A great day off!

Liz wearing Elbac

So I figured with the new job starting soon, I'd better take a day off while I still can, since I'll likely be in training for quite some time and might not have another opportunity for several weeks, perhaps a couple months! I spent today in Toronto with my Knittyboard friend BluRoux. She met me this morning at the bus station, and we went out for coffee and chocolate croissants. Breakfast done, we headed to Kensington Market, where we sat in the very cozy Moonbean Café while I finished the decrease rows on her gift scarf pictured here, Knitty's Elbac, in Cascade 220 Tweed. (I didn't leave myself quite enough time to finish it on the bus, unfortunately. Those of you who know me as "Last Minute Lisa" will not be surprised.) Here's a close-up for a good look at the texture and great stitch definition. From the café, we hit Lettuce Knit (scene of our photo shoot) for some yarn shopping, then went to the Red Room for very yummy Pad Thai. (And beer. Now that is a fine thing on one's day off.) We wrapped up our yarn crawl at Knitomatic, where there was a pretty awesome sale going on, although I couldn't make up my mind what to get, so left empty-handed! Liz, I had a great day. Thanks for your lovely company during my Toronto yarn crawl!